Taking my leave...
Graduation came and went with its traditional flavor of near-miss fulfillment. It was accompanied by the same unlocatable sense of unease I've long recognized when wrestling with the moments we're taught will linger in memory when lights dim, voices hush. It was wonderful seeing my entire family, although try as I might, I couldn't shake the fatigue from behind my eyes. The fundamental truth of my life boils down to this simple observation:
I am very tired.
Not depressed. Not ungrateful for the amazing opportunities that have come my way, nor the incredible job I have managed to negotiate for myself. Not unaware of how blessed I am to have the wife I do, or the kids who've moved into our lives with attendant clutter and din.
Just tired.
I am grinding through the last days of my current contract trying to espouse the values I cherish most in other physicians: dedication, attention to detail and awareness of the patient's needs. I am trying to be the kind of doctor my father would respect, but as with any marathon near its end, I find myself a little short on inspiration. So I am left trying to marshall what resources I have and do my bit to make things better in the small ways one can in the ICU.
I am also looking forward to three months to recharge the battery and set the table for a smooth transition into my new adventure. But mostly, I am working hard to ensure I leave on a positive note. Although training at times has been frustrating to the point of disgust, I voluntarily signed on for eight years of it, and most of that time has been educational, productive and purposeful. The trick in these matters is to make sure you hold your tongue regardless of the provocation, and refrain from sharing your parting shots with anyone. Nothing to be gained in burning a bridge in medicine. The path a career may take is convoluted these days, so I am trying.
But this challenge has its moments. Like I said, I could use a nap.
I am very tired.
Not depressed. Not ungrateful for the amazing opportunities that have come my way, nor the incredible job I have managed to negotiate for myself. Not unaware of how blessed I am to have the wife I do, or the kids who've moved into our lives with attendant clutter and din.
Just tired.
I am grinding through the last days of my current contract trying to espouse the values I cherish most in other physicians: dedication, attention to detail and awareness of the patient's needs. I am trying to be the kind of doctor my father would respect, but as with any marathon near its end, I find myself a little short on inspiration. So I am left trying to marshall what resources I have and do my bit to make things better in the small ways one can in the ICU.
I am also looking forward to three months to recharge the battery and set the table for a smooth transition into my new adventure. But mostly, I am working hard to ensure I leave on a positive note. Although training at times has been frustrating to the point of disgust, I voluntarily signed on for eight years of it, and most of that time has been educational, productive and purposeful. The trick in these matters is to make sure you hold your tongue regardless of the provocation, and refrain from sharing your parting shots with anyone. Nothing to be gained in burning a bridge in medicine. The path a career may take is convoluted these days, so I am trying.
But this challenge has its moments. Like I said, I could use a nap.
posted by Iakaris aka I.A.K. at 3:14 PM
2 Comments:
You are through it my friend..and the close of an adventure often leaves just the exhaustion, without the exhileration following in it's footsteps.
You can see the next road you're taking, and that energy will come back in no time.
You've had a long road to get where you are - of course you're tired. It will be amusing to discuss this a year from now.
btw..I like the Clark Kent blog..post on it more.
Naaahh.. Let 'em have it. Okay, I am just kidding. I am learning from you and thanks for your advice.
Post a Comment
<< Home